“Don’t keep staring at the way things are. It keeps you stuck. Look for how they can become. It moves you forwards.” – Jerry Corstens
Let’s talk about getting unstuck. You know that feeling, right? Like you’re wading through thick mud, every step a struggle? Often, that heavy feeling comes from one simple, yet powerful, habit: staring at the way things are.
Think about it. Maybe your job feels like a dead end. Maybe your relationship is going through a rough patch. Maybe you’re just feeling generally blah and unmotivated. What do we tend to do? We replay the same frustrating scenarios in our heads. We list all the reasons why things are difficult, unfair, or just plain bad. We focus so intently on the current reality that it becomes our entire landscape.
And here’s the tough truth: staring at the way things are keeps you stuck. It’s like driving while only looking in the rearview mirror. You’re constantly focused on where you’ve been, on the problems that exist right now, and you completely lose sight of where you could be going. This kind of focus breeds negativity, reinforces limitations, and ultimately paralyzes you. You get so caught up in the “this is how it is” mentality that you can’t even imagine things being different.
But there’s a powerful antidote to this stagnation: look for how they can become. This isn’t about ignoring the present. It’s about acknowledging it, understanding it, and then actively shifting your gaze towards potential. It’s about asking yourself: “Okay, this is where I am. But where could I be? What are the possibilities?”
This shift in perspective is like flipping a switch. Instead of being weighed down by the current situation, you start to see glimmers of hope, opportunities for growth, and pathways forward. When you focus on how things can become, you engage your creativity, your problem-solving skills, and your inner drive.
If your job feels like a dead end, instead of just dwelling on how much you dislike it, you start thinking: “What skills could I develop to move into a different role? What other departments might have opportunities? What kind of work would truly excite me?”
If your relationship is struggling, instead of just replaying arguments, you start thinking: “What steps can we take to communicate better? What kind of shared experiences could bring us closer? What are the underlying needs that aren’t being met?”
If you’re feeling unmotivated, instead of just beating yourself up about it, you start thinking: “What small steps can I take today to feel a little more energized? What are my passions that I’ve been neglecting? What kind of environment would inspire me?”
Looking for how things can become moves you forwards. It injects a sense of agency and possibility into your life. It transforms you from a passive observer of your circumstances into an active participant in shaping your future. It fuels motivation, sparks innovation, and ultimately leads to positive change.
So, the next time you find yourself stuck, caught in the loop of “this is how it is,” gently redirect your focus. Instead of staring at the wall, start looking for the door. Ask yourself, “What’s the next step? What’s a possible improvement? What could this look like if things were better?”
It might feel uncomfortable at first. It might require you to step outside your comfort zone and challenge your assumptions. But trust me, the energy you gain from focusing on potential far outweighs the inertia of staying stuck.
Stop dwelling on the limitations of today and start exploring the possibilities of tomorrow. The path forward isn’t always clear, but the act of looking for it is the first and most crucial step in moving towards a brighter future. You’ve got this. Now go out there and start looking.
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