It’s the best feeling in the world watching things finally fall into place.
The best feeling in the whole world is watching things finally fall into place after watching them fall apart for so long.
Below are 20 wise marriage tips from a man who was recently divorced. You wouldn’t normally think that a divorced man would give good advice on being a husband, but this man has been through enough hardship to know what is worth fighting for:
MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD:
Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…
1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)
15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.
Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.
But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.
The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.
If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.
MEN – THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.
Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.
– Gerald Rogers
17 Rules of Happiness by Karl Moore
Every day, most of us focus on the grey clouds in the sky. Life is dim and gloomy, and showers are just minutes away. But we forget something. We don’t remember that just behind those clouds, the sun is beaming brightly – every single minute of every single day. These are 17 rules designed to shift your perspective, helping you to rediscover the happiness you may have forgotten.
Rule #1 – Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself! It’s not going to help the situation. It’ll only help you to wallow in a state of apathy, playing the victim. The kind of person that things happen to, but that can’t do anything about it. By stopping feeling sorry for yourself, you can actually get on and DO something about it. If you want to be happy – stop feeling sorry for yourself. “Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.” – Helen Keller
Rule #2 – Be Grateful. Think of all the wonderful things you have to be grateful for right now. It could be your family. Or your health. Maybe your home. Your friends. Your brain. Your heart. Your spirit. We’ve all got amazing things in our own lives that make us smile with joy. And if we can count these blessings every day, we’ll discover a greater appreciation of the beautiful world we surround ourselves with. “If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.” – Meister Eckhardt
Rule #3 – Say Yes More. We fight against what happens to us in life, rather than allowing it to be as it is. We resist it, rather than accepting it. We say “No!” rather than saying “Yes” – or even just “Okay.” By saying “Yes!” more to life, we go with the flow. Things become more enjoyable and positive, less stressful and anxious, and often the situation turns out for the better regardless. “I will say yes to every favor, request, suggestion and invitation. I will swear to say yes where once I would say no.” – Danny Wallace
Rule #4 – Follow Your Bliss. Bliss is what you’re doing when you’re wrapped up in the moment. When you’re so thrilled just to be doing it, it ceases even to be work anymore. Your bliss occurs when you’re living in the moment, and time doesn’t really matter anymore. It’s not for the money, it’s for the pleasure. “When you follow your bliss, doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors; and where there wouldn’t be a door for anyone else.” – Joseph Campbell
Rule #5 – Learn to Let Go. Remember, letting go doesn’t mean you “forgive” the person at the grocery store, or you “allow” that kind of behavior. It just means that you release the negative emotion inside of you. By releasing negative emotions, you’ll not only enjoy much more freedom in your life – you’ll also become more emotionally stable and less stressed too. “By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond the winning.” –Lao Tzu
Rule #6 – Do Random Acts of Kindness. The more we give, the more we receive. A Random Acts of Kindness or RAK is a small act of kindness that you grant to someone else in the world – for absolutely no reason whatsoever, without expecting anything in return. Just throw a little extra kindness out to the world – and watch how you find greater happiness starting to flood back into your own life. “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” – Dalai Lama
Rule #7 – Happiness Is Only Ever Now. We spend so much time waiting to be happy in the future, or worrying about the past, that we forget to live in the moment. But here’s the thing: Life is transient. The past has gone. The future is just a dream. The only time that truly exists ever is RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW is the ONLY time you can do or change ANYTHING in your life. And NOW is the only time you have. “Few of us ever live in the present, we are forever anticipating what is to come or remembering what has gone.” – Louis LArmor
Rule #8 – Experience, Don’t Hoard! Investing in experiences rather than material goods created greater lasting happiness. It doesn’thave to be big and it doesn’t have to be expensive. And you can always do it on your own, too. By living, and truly experiencing life, we feel more whole, fulfilled and authentic. So, experience – don’t hoard – and you will be happy. “When youre curious, you find lots of interesting things to do.” – Walt Disney
Rule #9 – Appreciate Both Sides of the Coin. The truth is that in order for you to experience true happiness in your life, you must experience sadness. Without sadness, we really can’t even understand what happiness is. Just enjoy and embrace all your life adventures. And when seemingly negative things happen, remember that it’s just the duality of life. It’s just the other side of the coin. It’s required. It’s part of the equation. “You don’t know when you’ve hit a peak until you’re coming down. And you don’t know when you’ve hit a trough until you’re climbing out. It’s all good.” – David Brent
Rule #10 – Be More Social. Countless studies on the science of happiness have turned up one single characteristic of the happiest and most successful people in society. They have a large social network! Don’t just wait for interesting people to stumble into your life. Keep going and going. Expand your social circle as far as you can. Be the person that walks through town and bumps into a dozen friends. “Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust
Rule #11 – Love More! We must realize that we feel the most happy in life – when we are the one giving the love! The more we love others, the happier he became. The more we love the world around us, the happier we become. The more we love even our enemies, the happier we become. And best of all, WE can control the amount of love we give – and thereby control the amount of happiness we experience. “Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.” – Barbara De Angelis
Rule #12 – Have a Dream. Dream are critical. They light up life. Without them, we become bored, and tired, and apathetic. So, take this opportunity to really clarify your dreams. Take a pen and paper and spend an hour figuring out what you really dream about. But whatever you do, make sure you have a dream. They’re incredibly important. Dreams are the spark plugs of the spirit. Make sure yours are ready for action. “A person starts dying when they stop dreaming.” – Brian Williams
Rule #13 – Intention Sets Direction. Decide on where you’re going and how it’ll be for you – and it’ll happen. set your intention first. Make it clear that you’re going to have a great time, you’ll meet some fantastic people, and that it’s going to be wonderful. Set your general intention every morning and every night, too. The brighter and more positive, the better. Set your sunny intention – and you will be happy. “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford
Rule #14 – Enjoy Simple Pleasures. It’s an attitude. The ability to appreciate the happiness, the beauty, the pleasure in the simple things around us. Remember the simple things that you truly enjoy. Then take time out to experience them again. Or even better, turn them into little daily or weekly rituals, filling your life with sunshine. Quite simply, enjoy simple pleasures and rituals – and you will be happy. “Simplicity is the essence of happiness.” – Cedric Bledsoe
Rule #15 – Accept What Is. By accepting, welcoming, embracing what is, you clear all of your emotions. Your thoughts gain more clarity. You become happier. You experience more freedom. If you can change things, after accepting them, you’ll have a sharper mind and more energy to do so. Pointless worrying – there’s nothing you can do about it. Shrug and smile about it, that’s life. “Happiness is a function of accepting what is.” – Werner Erhard
Rule #16 – Zoom Out and Don’t Sweat. You never, ever know what is around the corner. So, try regularly “zooming out” of your current picture, and realizing the true priorities in your life. If you can, do it every day – particularly when you return home from work. Then kick back your shoes, and enjoy some quality time with family and friends. Life is short. “If you do not raise your eyes you will think that you are the highest point.” – Antonio Porchia
Rule #17 – Laugh, Dance, Smile! Surround yourself with happiness – wonderful music, dance classes, evenings with friends. Take time to laugh at the craziness of life! Splash out and enjoy to the max. True happiness, self-development, freedom, comes from inside – and is expressed externally in bright faces, a big smile, and plenty of laughing. Laugh at all of the silly problems you’ve been holding on to, so very well, for so long. “A friendly look, a kindly smile, one good act, and life’s worthwhile.” – Unknown
The Rules of Happiness: How to Be Happy by Karl Moore is available here – Get it Today.